SHINDAN-ed this morning

While reviewing for my Accounting exam, I took a break and had random Shindan consultations. 

Here are the screenshots (with some of my remarks, of course):

Featuring a Kise fan-art: 

Enjoyed this colorful image.

WHY KISE? 

Anyway, as long as he is from the Kiseki no Sedai, still happy with the result.

Even Kise can't contain the happiness he cried. 

Those are tears of happiness. >_<

AND MY WAIFU 

(EEEHHH? WAIFU??)

なんでワイフ？

A wild Akashi.

Wonder who's more brutal, Akashi or me? 

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"From your fave band member..."

But, my favorite band member? <3 font="">

Okay then:

Shinji from SID (because Mao is my number 2)

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Fine. If that makes the maker of this shindan happy. lawl

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I wish the artist will be Tanemura Arina. Really love her art.

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75% only unfortunately...

Am I disgrace already?

Gasai Yuno is extremely disappointed. 

wwwwww

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Because I am also 50% Hasubando Material perhaps? 

wwwww

いやだな～

I cannot be a good waifu? Hahaha.

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HOW? 

It's really hard to find a perfect illustration for these descriptions. 

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Not really happy with this one, though I like Goto Yuko.

She is known for the roles of Hikari Hanazono (Special A), Mikuru Asahina (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya), Anya Alstreim (Code Geass R2)

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AIBOU!!

My best friend is Hirano Aya? O_O

We're both rebellious? 

*nods*

AND...

KAGAMI TAIGA (because of his voice)

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STILL HAS PERCENTAGE OF TSUNDERE-NESS? O_O

But if you're going to add the 75% of my Yandere to my 30% Tsundere... it won't be equal to 100%. 

XD

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EITHER:

or

though I have stopped dancing already. 

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YAHHHHHHHHH!!!

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Ooohhh? Really?

This is unbelievable...

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WHUT? 

The word used is really... lawl.

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-END OF SHINDAN MANIA-

Sorry for the image-heavy post.

You know I love images. 

(^___^)v

What can I say?

I am so depressed. 

I want to finish everything within the week but my body was not able to hold on.

If only I can dictate and prevent myself from getting any illnesses. 

「IF I WERE HEALTHIER.」

「IF I WERE STRONGER.」

「IF I WERE NORMAL.」

Why am I upset?

Because I can't do anything now. 

I hate myself being unproductive.

I hate myself because I am a huge burden now, to my family, to my friends, to my professors, and most of all, A BIG BURDEN TO MYSELF.

How can I possibly say that? It's because every time I am having heart attack, I am useless, a trash, a garbage, a rubbish. I am nothing but a mere decoration. They spend money for my hospital fees yet I am still nothing. I am not perfect, I am not good enough.

I want to go to school tomorrow. 

I want to end some of my left tasks. 

I don't care whether I am not yet fully recovered, I just want to remove the thorns that are bugging me.

How can I show that I am a reliable person if I keep on failing?

How can I appear to be happy now if I am really not?

Why are these things happening?

Am I only a pain to others?

I feel so depressed. 

「IF I WERE ONLY NORMAL.」

I want to reach out. 

I want every one to hear this, but I am afraid this ranting won't affect most of the people around me.

Did I make an impact to them? 

Did they at least understand what I am feeling now?

I am scared. 

I am scared to face reality.

I think I will not be able to accept the fact that I am not normal.

All my efforts will be wasted now. If only I didn't tell them I am badly hurt that Saturday. If only I somehow managed to escape the agony I am having. If only I silenced myself until the end of the period. If only I didn't excuse myself... If only I lied about what I was feeling that Saturday.

THAT SATURDAY.

I want to cry and scream now.

I want to cry. 

I want to cry. 

I want to seek refuge.

I want to smile without hiding any pain.

I want to be happy.

I want to live the day peacefully.

I want to forget all the worries I am having now. 

I CAN'T SING THE THOUGHTS IN MY BRAIN FOR THE LYRICS WILL ONLY INDUCE MORE HEARTBREAKING SCENARIOS. 

USELESS

Have you always wondered why people smile?

Have you asked yourselves why people smile even though they are not really feeling well?

Have you ever asked yourselves why people lie?

WHY ARE THESE THINGS HAPPENING?

I feel like a burden at the same time I feel like am I shouldering burden.

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Why does a person have to TELL PEOPLE THAT WHAT I HAVE STATED WAS A LIE?

Does he know what truly happened?
Why is he an idiot?

Why does he have to tell them that I am just saying fallacy?

Did he ever ask himself if everything he is spitting out is pure truth?

I DIDN’T EVEN INFORMED HIM ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED!!!

Is he in the position to show to my face how liar I am even though I am not?

That action was really dim-witted.

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I disappointed other people.

I JUST DISAPPOINTED THEM.

I want to tell them I am not perfect.

I am disappointed to myself too.

Do you know how disappointed I am every time I was not able to fulfill the requests of others?

1.       That malong. My mom and grandma got mad about that. I am useless. I really shouldn’t have opened that one. I am really sorry to that person and I am so sorry for myself. Why am I useless? Why??

2.       I left their PE class even though I was asked to take photos of them. I left that request hanging. I will say sorry to my classmate later.

I SO HATE EVERYTHING TODAY.

I HATE MYSELF. Lol

 I AM SO FRUSTRATED.
I AM SO STRESSED.

I AM SO USELESS.

I AM SO INEFFECTIVE.

I AM SO HOPELESS.

I wish they will soon realize that I smile not because I want to, but I need to.

Experienced something great today!

Wasn't able to wake up at 12:00 am. 

I seriously cursed myself for not being able to be moved by my 4 alarm times.

Woke up at 4:30 am.

Had to look for my lecture in Biology (since they are just hand-outs), and found 'em under the bed. 

Yes, I am very messy.

Reviewed while eating double cheeseburger. 

Wasn't able to memorize everything, at least I've learned almost 80% from it.

Went to school early. 

Before 6:45 I was already in the school.

Asked my classmate to do the waiver for the seminar we administered. 

Managed to finish the encoding of the waivers.

Psychology class, our assignment/quiz/activity was checked by our professor.

Lecture, then... discussion.

Biology class, continued our lecture then had a 30-item quiz.

Another continuation of the lecture then had another set of hand-outs to be studied before the final exams come.

Prepared for the seminar we're going to have.

We arrived there without participants. Yes, I know. It annoyed me. 

I was so shamed. The speaker was waiting for participants. We made him wait for an hour just for us to look for audience. Isn't that, great? lol

I won't elaborate it much since I want to forget about it. 

After that, we had a 

SUPER 

INTERESTING 

OPEN 

FORUM 

What comprise that open forum?

Easy!

The secretary of the barangay made palm reading to most of us. 

He is extremely amazing.

What did he tell about me?

1. I eat too much. If I want to live longer, I should lessen my food intake. (wwwwww) -- TRUE

2. My eyeglasses are not perfect for me anymore. I usually complain to have its lenses changed. -- TRUE

3. My love life is really... not good. XD 

4. I will be a citizen of a big country. I will be prosperous there. 

Anyway, that boosted my emotions. I am filled with confidence now and it really motivate me to proceed to my school works with excellence. 

Note: I wonder if the country the number 4 statement is referring to is UAE or Japan. Hmmm...

After some of my classmates' future were foretold, we had a ghost story telling.

We stopped the conversation when there are 3 ghosts (according to the speaker) inside the room. 

I asked the speaker to switch on the lights (so my classmates won't be afraid anymore. Does it include me? XD)

Can't put everything in detail here. 

Just that, I really really really enjoyed the evening activities. They were the exact opposite when the sponsored event started and finished. 

Sore jaa.

REPORT END! 

おわり。

つつく。